A Lost Self

Lying alone in a bed that used to be hers she feels all the weight of waiting lying on her soul, she feels her breath losing its way. It's been so long since she's been in love, she remembers that feeling and regrets leaving him before finding another. They both knew it was just an act, but they both knew they needed to take their parts. They both knew they had to have this feeling, to have someone to make them complete. It was not sexual, it was just being loved, having someone to say sweet words to their ears, to hug them tight, to give them presents, to take them out. Someone to tell them that they loved them, whether this was true or not was not important to them. They stayed on the same act for three years until a car hit him...
She felt that she was the one who was hit; she didn't really care if he died or stayed alive, she didn't care the least about him. She knew her feelings were not true, but she has never felt that she is a person with no feelings at all. She left him on the same day of the accident. He didn't even care.
She decided to live a better life, to respect herself and others, to respect love. She lived happily alone for a week, then two, but on the third she knew she had to find someone. She looked for a person to play the part like she was looking for new pyjamas. She didn't care how he looked or what he did, all she cared about was him being comfortable and fit for the part. She looked for days, then weeks, then months, but as easy as it may sound, she couldn't find the man she wants. She lived the life of an addict who can't have his drug, she stopped living.
Days were all the same, she felt herself being sucked out of the person she knew. She was so tired of waiting for love, fake love, that everything felt out of place. She was busy looking for fake love to find anything that was true. She lies that night unable to recognize herself anymore, unable to think of anything of her own, she lies with her eyes wide open until they force her to close them.
In another world, she is in a place so far away from here. She is with him, the true love. His touch feels so different from any other touch. His words are sweeter than the sweetest honey. His embrace takes her close to heaven. His presents are ones that last forever. His kisses taste of purity of a clean soul, of truth, of love that could only last for a lifetime. With him she feels like a ballet dancer, she flies more than stays on the ground. With him life is purely vivid, it is the true part.
She wakes up leaving herself in the other world, and continues her trip looking for the new face to play the fake role.