Compassion is Martyred

There was a time when I used to hate the view of the injured and wounded on the television, then it became the norm. There was a time when I didn't look when I passed a person hit by car, but then seeing blood became the norm. There was a time when the view of corpses was unacceptable to me, then it became the norm.... I remember myself two years ago and I don't what has become out of me, a stronger person or one who has lost all sorts of compassion.

In January and February 2011, just the talk about the revolution's martyrs brought me tears, heartbreak and sucked the breath out of me.  Then came October and November and December, then February and May, the numbers increased and the hurt decreased. I got used to people dying, to seeing injuries everywhere, to turning martyrs into numbers, just numbers.

I have become inhumane, I want to see pictures of corpses when people die to make sure they're dead. When Osama Bin Laden was killed, I wanted to see his corpse, I was so eager to see it to make sure it is him with my own eyes. I have lost all kinds of feelings towards people killing each other. A part of my soul had died and left me partially a corpse too.

The heartbreak I used to have for Gaza decreased because of all the political reasons that make this fight dirty. My compassion towards Gazans had slowly died with the awakening hatred of Hamas. A 15 year old had died and I took the time to think whether he is Muslim Brotherhood or a Civil martyr. I have lost all kind of respect I had for myself.

60 children had lost their lives and I have managed to live my life normally with just a bit of sadness in the back of my mind. I have lost all kinds of sympathy.

With every revolutionary fight we lose people, and we lose a part of us. People are martyred and so is compassion, we become harsh, unsympathetic and inhumane. We lose a part of our souls, we become closer to animals.

I do understand that this fight will not end any time soon, and I do know that we will lose more and more people. But I also know that if we don't fight this feeling, if we all lose compassion, we will soon all turn into zombies, into walking corpses.

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