Café au Lait

Skipped work for no reason, she sits alone in her tiny flat, she walks around like a zombie. Coffee and dark chocolate, she stays in bed half the afternoon. She gets up, decides that it's about time that she stars a new drawing, but she falls back into bed. It's been six months since he left her for her best friend, and she's still not a bit over him. She gets up again, with a blank mind, she starts drawing and just like every time, the drawing is a memory of theirs. Sunshine coming inside from the squares of the wooden-glass window. A white breakfast table with a vase of flowers, pancakes and fruits. Her cup of coffee and his cup of tea. She smells the mix of flowers and coffee as she draws, she sees him smiling at her. She leaves her drawing and goes back to bed in tears. Why did he leave her? She wishes she knew, it would've made all her grieving easier. But he just left, saying that he doesn't love her anymore, that they're not compatible anymore, that he's in love with someone else right now. That it was all a mistake from the very beginning. Then he left, and took her whole life with him. Her tears wet her pillow, she can hardly breathe, she keeps wondering what's wrong with her, but she never finds an answer. She never loses hope in him coming back for her, but the question is; will she be able to take him back? Before she finds the answer, reality hits her, he's never coming back... She decides she's never skipping work again, she's never staying alone again.

It's been eight months, and she still has sleepless nights, she still only falls asleep when she cries herself to sleep. She still dreams of him whenever she falls asleep. She hates herself for feeling that way, but she still loves him with every cell in her. It's early morning, she's getting ready for work. Coffee in hand, eyes filled with tears, she runs around the house trying to find her keys, her phone, her purse, her shades. Then the memory comes back to her, oh it has never left her. That memory of him making fun of how she's always late, how she always loses her things. He'd laugh and tease and laugh some more, then he'd kiss her. That kiss, it took her to another world, she felt like someone else, somehow the world was the safest place in his arms. He was her everything. She'd leave to work, run to work, and leave him at home to finish a portrait, or to go roam the streets in search for his muse. His muse.... his muse.... she was never his muse, not even once. Somehow her best friend had always made a better muse. Somehow he found in her best friend what he could never find in her. His muse.....

Days, weeks, months pass and still she sees that look in everyone's eyes. Pity. It's been so long, and people still ask what happened. How can she ever forget him? She can't, the world won't let her. It's her destiny to live her life regretting. Regretting not being the person she should've been, the one he'd fall in love with forever again. Regretting that she decided to be herself, her boring, lame self. It was her punishment, she didn't live up to his standards, she deserved all this. But he left her for her best friend, without one word, one fight, one warning. It was just a normal day, he laughed and teased and smiled and kissed her. Then she left to work, left to come back to find the house empty, silent. She came to find a note with one sentence; "I can't be with you anymore, it was all wrong, she sweeps me off my feet, I belong with her, not you". Never did he answer her calls, messages, emails, never did he contact her again, never did he give her an explanation. He just left for her best friend.

It's been a year, she's given up on feeling better. She's decided to live her life never losing hope, waiting and waiting, always waiting for him to come back for her, to know that she's the one. She's almost running in the streets, praying she'd catch the bus. For a moment, she thinks she forgot her phone. She can't spend the whole day without it, she'll have to go back for it, but if she does she'll miss the bus. She fishes in her bag for it, almost running, without looking. Then she hits something.... someone, really hard. She almost falls, then she feels that hot liquid. She looks at her white silk shirt, and it's turned brown. Latte, her silk shirt looks like it has sunk in a bucket of latte. She finally looks up. A suit, a very expensive looking suit, all soaked in latte. She smells the coffee mixed with this perfume, or is it an aftershave? A hand, no ring, an empty coffee cup. She looks up expecting to be shouted at, expecting to be in big trouble. How stupid of her to run like that without even looking. She thinks of all the trouble she must have caused to that man and feels really embarrassed. She finally gets the courage to look to the face, a smiling face, almost laughing. "I'm sorry", he says.... and she smiles, this smile she hasn't smiled for a whole year....


Comments

  1. When will I see you again?
    You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
    No final kiss to seal any seams,
    I had no idea of the state we were in,

    When was the last time you thought of me?
    Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
    I often think about where I went wrong,
    The more I do, the less I know,

    ReplyDelete

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