Rest in Peace Sweet Memories
I've been working 16 hours a day for four days now to catch an MPEG meeting when yesterday after 12 hours of debugging, I've decided that I needed a break. Having to face the fact that I can't afford more than a five minute break, I decided to listen to a song on Youtube. To cheer myself up and remember the good ol' days, I chose to listen to a Boyzone song. Ten years ago (and when I say that I feel really old), Boyzone was my favorite band along with Backstreet Boys. I've spent long long times of my days listening to their songs and singing them. I knew each and every song of theirs by heart. I haven't missed one of their videos, I was one of those crazy teenagers (whom I loved and still do), who'd spend all her vacation watching MTV and downloading new songs.
So back to yesterday, I've decided to watch A Different Beat, one of my favorites. It's a song that talks about humanity and how everyone is equal. The minute I Youtubed Boyzone, I found an endless number of videos about Stephen Gately's death, he died last October, but I had no idea. I was shocked, I almost cried and then I felt stupid to be that sad, because after all, he's just a singer. But I still was very sad, no matter how many times I told myself that this is silly.
Now when I've given it some thought, I know why I'm that sad. First, of course, a human being has died young, he left family and friends grieving behind. And then also, one of my favorite singers died young, I'm not one of those crazy fans who grief on a superstar's death as if they were family. But still it's normal to feel more than a bit sad when one of your favorite singers die young. But then the real reason behind my uncontrollable sadness is a pretty selfish one. When I heard about Steve's death, it felt like a part of my teenage memories has died with him.
Of course, memories don't die, but the fact that I can never remember those years without remembering how much I loved music and the the songs that I listened to, and the fact the I won't be able to remember Boyzone without remembering that my favorite member (even though I always thought he sounds like he swallowed a frog) had a very tragic ending make, those memories not as nice as they should be. Now whenever I listen to a Boyzone song, I will remember the best years of my life and I'll remember that Steve died in his sleep at the age of 33.
My memories will be distorted by this fact, and so I do believe that a good part of these memories has died with him. I always wanted the memories of these years to be as colorful as possible, and now my selfishness is making me blame some one who died for taking out some of the color from them. I feel even more stupid and sad and angry with myself. I'll have to live with the fact that these memories won't be as sweet as they were in those ten years. But the death of a member of the one of two bands who made me enjoy these years so much deserves just a touch of bitterness that I will definitely have to face whenever I listen to their songs.
The last words Stephen has sung were I will learn to live before I die and then he died....
Rest in peace Steo... Thank you for all the good memories that your songs has helped me carve in my heart those past ten years. Thanks for the great music and lyrics that always brought peacefulness to my soul. Thanks for making great songs, that aren't only about love. Thanks for always smiling (no matter how sad the song is =)).