Mourning

During the times of Mubarak we used to mourn the death of people who die in terrorist attacks, or those who die of the cancer they got by eating carcinogenic vegetables or drinking carcinogenic water. We used to mourn the death of people who have been tortured to death in a police department here or there. We used to mourn the death of people who died in the bread or gas queues. We used to mourn the death of people who died in some train or ferry accident. We used to mourn the death of terrorist attacks made by the government itself. But then starting January 1st, 2011, on the day people were killed while celebrating the New Year in their church, I knew another type of mourning. It's a monthly, sometimes even weekly or daily, mourning. It's one that you can never get used to even after 18 months. It's one that breaks a piece of you that is never put back into place every time you have to mourn.

The Mubarak mourning still existed, but now there is also the revolution's mourning and it's even harder. I mourn for people who died while worshiping. Then for people who died because of being couragous enough to speak up at the time of silence. Then I mourn for hundreds who have been lost never to be found. Then I mourn people who have been been killed by camels as if it's 2011 B.C. Then for those who were unjustly put in prison for fighting for justice. then I mourn for people who fought for unity against sectarian strife. Then I mourn for people who wanted to do things right. Then for people who didn't accept the best of the worst. Then for girls who fought for freedom, who have been stripped our of their clothes in the streets by soldiers and had people asking what they were doing there. Then I mourn for people who lost an eye, then lost another. Then I mourn for people who had to live without a leg or an arm. Then I mourn for people who lost a family member or friend. Then I mourn for friends who were not just friends but non-biological brothers who saw their brothers die before their eyes, and I mourn for people who died while watching a football game. Then I mourn more people who keep dying in sectarian attacks. Then I mourn people dying in fires. Then I mourn people who have been killed in fights because the police never showed up. Then I mourn people who were exiled from their homes because of their religious beliefs. Then I mourn people who have been killed just because they had a walk with their fiances. Then I mourn more people who were exiled. Then for people who had to live a day of terror just because they were somewhat rich. Then I for people who were killed because they don't look "right". Then for people who were killed because an iron burned a shirt. Then I mourn soldiers who have been killed in Ramadan, while breaking their fast just because they were doing their job of securing the borders.

I mourn so hard because every time we lose someone we don't just lose them forever, but we also lose them without bringing them and their families justice. People keep dying and nobody is ever punished, no murderer is ever known. Because whenever someone is killed, I know they're not going to be the last. Today is yet another day of mourning, and as I write these words I know for sure it's not going to be the last. Today I am mourning people who were killed without knowing who killed them, why they were killed or how they were killed, just like many other times that have come and others that will come. I feel that not a piece of me has been left with a part of it not being broken. I don't know if I have a place for more mourning...

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