Why Marry?

Marriage.... the next step after graduation, and if you don't get married whether you're a girl or a boy then you should get ready for the society giving you the worst time of your life. Marriage is a must, if you don't get married then something is wrong with you. You have to get married, even if it's just for the sake of getting married. In this very judging society of ours, if you don't get married at a certain age, or at all, like "normal" people do, then get ready to be treated like a virus.

The way the society treats the unmarried makes many people forget what marriage is all about and marry anyone they half like just for the sake of getting married. They get married to someone they might not be able to live with just to escape the hatred of the society. Then some might be lucky enough to get used to each other and have an acceptable marriage and live for their children then grandchildren, then they die. Others who aren't lucky enough find that they've made the wrong choice by getting married just to satisfy the society and escape getting "the look". They live an awful life with their partners, not necessarily because one of them is always wrong, but just because they're not compatible. Some decide to go on living a miserable life until they die, and others decide that they've made a mistake and that they should get a divorce. Those who get a divorce will face even more hatred from the society, they'll be looked at as if they're always wrong,  as if they're impossible to live with. Who pays for all this? The children; the ones who grow up between the fighting of their married parents, or the hatred of their divorced parents. The ones who can grow up feeling that life will stop once you get married.

You know how the divorce rate has increased in our society lately? Well, this isn't because of how the society treats the unmarried it has always been this way, it's because more people have decided that it's better to live happily alone than miserably with someone. I'm not saying that this is a good thing here, it's not. It's awful, and not only because of the children whose lives might be ruined. There's also the heartbreak, because even if they hated each other so much, the feeling of wasting your life on someone for nothing breaks the strongest of hearts. There's also the hurt of failing, and failure in marriage hurts more than any other failure. The question that pops in my mind here is: why do some know during their engagement that they can't live together but still continue with the marriage? Because they're too worried of finding no one else maybe? But many others never know anything about their partners during their engagement.

If the engagement period is used in the right way, wouldn't people know each other better and know if they'll be able to live happily together, or live together at all, before it's too late? And by the right way I mean no acting, no butterflies and flowers all the time, just the two being themselves, the ones they have always been and always will be. Engagement is not there to live the best year or so of your life with your partner just to make them believe how good of a partner you are so they marry you. Then when you tie the knot, the truth comes out. Then again, if the girl/boy doesn't feel pressured, or even obliged, to find a partner then they wouldn't really be acting, and they wouldn't be too scared to end things if they feel they're not compatible.

I sometimes wonder why "must" everyone get married? Because marriage is "نص الدين" or "سنة الحياه"?  Because that's what normal people should do? But what if I can't find the person that I'd be happy to spend my life with? Should I still get married to the wrong one and live a miserable life? Is سنة الحياه or نص الدين to live unhappily? Should I do something that I can really live without, something that will make me unhappy just to  be normal? Should I get married to have someone to live with? But what if that someone would make my life a nightmare? Should I still want to spend my life with him? Should I get married to have a family? What if being unhappily married would make this family a very unhappy one? Should I still be the reason for children hating their lives? Because sometimes if people aren't compatible it becomes impossible to lead a happy marriage! Should I get married to have someone care for me when I grow old? That would be just like saving up the money to go live in a house for the elderly and have someone take care of me there. Should I get married just to enjoy having a child? Whatever happened to adoption? Why not adopt a baby and make it happy? Isn't this better than making an awful family and raising kids that hate that they were ever born?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against marriage at all, of course I want to get married someday like any other girl. It's just that I don't think it's going to be the end of the world if I don't. And I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married even if it's going to make me unhappy. It's just that I think marriage has a much greater meaning than being sonnet el 7ayah. I'm not even against arranged marriages, I don't like them, I don't want to get married this way, I don't think they're right, but I know that many successful marriages have started this way. Many soul mates have found each other in an arranged marriage, so no I don't at all think that arranged marriages are the reason behind anything written in the above lines. I'll leave why I don't like arranged marriages out of this post though.

Marriage should be the best thing that happens to you. Your wedding day should be the best day of your life, and every coming day after your wedding should be even better. Marriage is love, that doesn't necessarily start the moment you meet, or not even days after, maybe months after, maybe even years, maybe after you've already gotten married in some cases. But it's love that grows as you both grow. Marriage is knowing each other as much as you know yourselves. Marriage is wanting to do anything to make your partner happy. Marriage is compromise. Marriage is a never ending friendship. Marriage is accepting your partner as they are, loving them as they are and never trying to change who they are. Marriage is knowing every single tiny and huge flaw of your partner and learning to live with them and love them. Marriage is knowing what your partner is thinking without them saying it. Marriage is giving endless support. Marriage is dreaming together. Marriage is doing everything you can to make your partner's dreams come true. Marriage is working hard together. Marriage is loving life together. Marriage is laughing together. Marriage is crying together. Marriage is being strong together. Marriage is beating the odds together. Marriage is never needing a break from living together. Marriage is wanting to make a wonderful family together. Marriage is thinking together. Marriage is taking decisions together. Marriage is having your own secretes together and not having any other human being interfere in your marriage. Marriage is being together. Marriage is seeing your love grow in your children's eyes. Marriage is not always rosey, there will be conflicts, but marriage is knowing how to end your conflicts in a way that satisfies both partners without matters getting out of hand.  Marriage is as good as you and your partner want it to be.

Can anyone reach this marriage if they're pressured? Can anyone wait long enough to find the right person if they're given the hardest time of their lives for being single? Can someone be able to live a happy life while being single when the society doesn't understand it's not their fault, that is of course if it's a fault at all? What if someone's fate is to never get married? Why do they have to be treated as someone with issues? Why can't it be either a good marriage between compatible people who will make a successful marriage or being single? Why can't it be this way? Why can't everyone do what they please as long as it's not hurting anyone? Yes, I want to get married, but I have no intention of living a miserable life just to satisfy my society. Yes I'd rather live happily single forever than to live a life I hate with someone whom I don't fit and who doesn't fit me. Yes if I ever find someone who might be the one, I won't act or be anyone else, I'll just be myself and if he doesn't like me as I am, then I'll know we're not right for each other, yes that's what engagements are for. Yes I'm going to wait for as log as it takes to find the right person, even if it's forever. Yes I won't let my society control my life.

Comments

  1. i feel that people had set my path before i know what i need from my life ,do we all have the same track?
    same problem for job ,do i have to work at any job?
    just to work or no?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yea,this happens with many things in life actually. Like you have to choose a "prestigious" job according to what others think, otherwise you won't be good enough for anything. Some parents even control everything about their adult sons/daughters like even what to wear!

    ReplyDelete
  3. هو الشعب المصرى بتاع مظاهر هى دى شغلته الاولى والاخيرة وحياتهم معظمها كدب فى كدب عشان المنظر بس

    المشكلة ان الكلام مش هيحل مع الناس
    كل اللى اقدر اعملوا انى ادعى ان بنات واولاد يشوفوا البوست ده ويهونوا الامر على نفسهم شوية :)

    و ربنا معاكى .... بارك الله فيكى

    ReplyDelete

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