The Other Side of Me

Friday, December 2nd, 2011 Same steps walked ten months ago, same streets, this is where I lost all my fears. This very building was on fire that day. This is where I stood waiting for our fighters to open the way. This is the fence that people climbed to see what's happening on the war-front. This is the place where I stood wishing I didn't listen to my parents and brought my teargas mask. This is where I stood feeling that this could be it. This is where many people, including some who look like they barely have enough money to buy them food to keep them alive. This is where they gave people Pepsi, vinegar, and tissue paper for free. This very same bridge is where I couldn't take the teargas anymore and had to leave. But today I'm walking on continuing the way, and I know my way, and this, just this in itself, is a victory.... Ten months.... And our brothers are sisters are still dying. We're here today to mourn their deaths. They died to buy us freedom, ...

Thursday, November 24th, 2011 Little drops of rain... A million man protest of less than a hundred thousand.. A few chants, some singing, others sleeping, others writing on foam plates... A few more drops... The air is worrying... Sexual harassment, stealing, begging... Not the place we know, something is different. More rain, heavier rain, a few cheers, a few smiles, a bit of hope... People running out... Some stop and get right back in. The rain is so heavy... Everything stops... One chant shouted in unison... Ya Rab... Hands held up... Ya Rab... Faces washed with raindrops... Ya Rab. Smiling faces... Ya Rab... More people run back in... Ya Rab... A man passes by the crowd, "grant us victory" the crowd answers back... Ya Rab... Even more rain... Everyone is soaked... It gets more cold... People start jumping... We won't leave, he leaves, we won't leave, we won't leave... Heavier rain... The sound of raindrops falling to the ground, falling on our souls, is mixe...

Skipped work for no reason, she sits alone in her tiny flat, she walks around like a zombie. Coffee and dark chocolate, she stays in bed half the afternoon. She gets up, decides that it's about time that she stars a new drawing, but she falls back into bed. It's been six months since he left her for her best friend, and she's still not a bit over him. She gets up again, with a blank mind, she starts drawing and just like every time, the drawing is a memory of theirs. Sunshine coming inside from the squares of the wooden-glass window. A white breakfast table with a vase of flowers, pancakes and fruits. Her cup of coffee and his cup of tea. She smells the mix of flowers and coffee as she draws, she sees him smiling at her. She leaves her drawing and goes back to bed in tears. Why did he leave her? She wishes she knew, it would've made all her grieving easier. But he just left, saying that he doesn't love her anymore, that they're not compatible anymore, that he...

It's up to you, to live the life you want to live, or that that people want you to live. It's up to you, to be who you want to be, or what others want you to be. It's up to you, to lead a happy life or a sad one. It's up to you, to know you can, or to find excuses. It's up to you, to face your problems, or to hide in saying I can't. It's up to you, to love yourself or to hate it. It's up to you, to change the world or let it break you into a thousand pieces. It's up to you, to accept the facts or live your life trying to change them and failing. It's up to you, to face your fears, or to hide into believing you're weak. It's up to you, to believe in your power or to believe in you're weakness. It's up to you, to have a reason to live, or a reason not to live. It's up to you, to try or to give up. It's up to you, to believe, or to lose hope. It's up to you, to fall in love or to not believe in love. It's up to you, t...

It was a fairy tale, it was sweeping her off her feet, it was love at first sight, it was the unmistakable energy between them. It was in his touch, it was in her smile, it was in the way they looked at each other. It was in how much she missed him when he wasn't around, it was in how he always wanted to be with her. It was in how she always found the right words when she talked to him, it was in him never running out of words when they were together. It was in their comfortable silence, it was in how they needed no words to understand each other. It was in their friendship, it was in their love relationship. It was in their hearts, it was in their minds. It was in their good times, it was in their worst of times. It was in her support, it was in his caring. It was in their arguing, it was in their fighting. It was in their smiles, it was in their laughter. It was in his kisses, it was in her hugs. It was in their tears, it was in their pain. It was in their lives, it was in their ...

I have started my past couple of posts about Tahrir with these words: "the revolution is back". I won't do so this time though, because the revolution has never left us, it has always stayed in our hearts, and always will. Today I became sure that this generation of ours will never accept that somebody steals our revolution. I became sure that no matter what happens, there's noway we're giving up on Egypt. The way we chanted today at the top of our lungs made me sure that we'll always be there, that we'll always be stronger. The way "el sha3b yoreed esqat el mosheer" (the people demand overthrowing the field marshal) moved the square reminded of January days. I'm now sure that no one can stop this revolution from winning. The numbers weren't that much at first, but since the minute I set foot there the numbers kept increasing. Every few minutes the stage announced the arrival of another rally. As the sun went down, numbers have reall...

All her days are the same, new faces come and go. Happy faces, worried ones, sad ones, excited ones. She sees them all, and forgets them the minute they're out of her shop. She hears the stories behind the bouquets, but never really listens. She sees the faces, but never really watches. Stories reach her mind, but she never allows them in her heart. She doesn't really care, she knows she'll be forever alone. She knows she'll never have anyone to be happy with, to worry about, to share a success or a failure with, but somehow she feels happier this way. She feels that to be as happy as the faces she sees everyday, she'll have to be as sad as the others someday. It's still early and it's the weekend, she wasn't expecting anyone at that time. But a man comes in, with a smile on his face, a smile that she quickly recognizes. It's that smile of people in love. He approaches her and starts talking, she decides to listen today for a change. He's p...

She's young and beautiful, but she's so desperate to find a husband before the year ends. She doesn't care about love, she wants to find a good man she can start family of her own with. She's looking for someone from a good family, that's socially equal to hers, someone who's financially capable of giving her the life she has always lived, and of course someone she can live happily with. In the process of finding the husband, she meets a guy from another department at work. He's everything that is not the husband of her dreams. They're not socially equal, he's from another religion, he's younger than her, and he's in love with someone else. But the minute they talk, they become the best of friends. They always talked about their lives, and how different they are.... She has lived in Cairo all her life. The other Cairo, the one that just a few know about. She knows nothing of the real Cairo, but today he's taking her there, to see the...

This post is a collection of things that cheer me up, if you ever feel depressed try one or two of them they might work =).... Remember those days back when we used to have inboxes filled with colorful forwards? I got this one ten years ago, yes ten! And ever since it's been hanging in my room and always will. It's lovely give it a read This oldie was played in my school reunion three years after we graduated. It was one happy day, it felt so good to be there again, and it felt even better to know that some of my teachers still remember me. They played the song while showing photos of us from KG to high school. It's a wonderful memory, but even if you don't have a memory connected to it. Once you here "Those were the Days" you'll remember your good old days =).   Milkshake! Nothing makes me feel happier. I'm sure no one needs a recipe, but just in case here are some   Hallmark cards. As my favorite forward says, sending cards to peop...

I don't know why, but I thought that on the day after resignation I'd see different Egyptians just like I saw a Mubarak-free Egypt. Maybe because of the neighborhood committees, because I saw with my own eyes men and a few women of all ages coordinating together to guard their neighborhood. Because I saw my neighbors, security guards, doormen, parking guards all sitting together equally as if they were all friends. Because I saw everyone doing their best to guard their neighborhood. Because I heard the mosque asking the neighbors to turn on their balcony lights, and saw all flats turning their lights. Because I saw cups and plates of tea and cake going down from all flats as a sign of appreciation and support. Because I felt that I was in safe hands, because I have never felt safer than with my neighbors protecting me.   Maybe because when I went to Tahrir, this sacred place, I saw another Egypt, I saw different Egyptians, yet they're the same people I used to see, and...

30 minutes, I'm 30 minutes early. I tossed and turned in bed, counted sheep, sang songs, tried to stop thinking, but I couldn't. I couldn't close my eyes all night, I had only one thought on my mind; you. I'll see you tomorrow..... And now I'm here, in the rose garden, 30 minutes early. For a moment it hits me, I've traveled halfway through the world to see you. You, someone I barely know. Then the feeling fades away, and belief comes back to me, I'm here to meet you. You, someone who might be my soul mate. I'm here to see you, someone who's worth walking the distance. 25 minutes, I have never thought I'd love you, how could I, when I didn't even know your name? I know nothing about you, but I know you so much. I know the person deep inside you, the one that opens up only to me. I've known the person that no one else knows, the person who you never show. I know the best and worst in you, I know who you really are. I don't know an...

The sound of rain outside is so soothing. I have this thing for the rain. Its sound comforts me. Its smell makes me smile. Its sight makes want to leave whatever it is that I'm doing and go get soaked. Since the day I arrived here, one week ago, it's been raining non stop, and I have never, for one second, wanted it to stop. I've loved every drop of it, and forever will. People walk in the streets, ignoring the rain. Some carry umbrellas, other run so they don't get wet. The streets are silent no one is shouting, no car horns, no street vendors, no street fights, just the sound of rain. It's so different here. I leave this dark room and go down to the quite street. I leave my umbrella at home. The minute I'm in the street I'm completely soaked that I can't even see clearly, but I'm laughing, laughing hysterically. I start running. I'm out of control, I can't stop running or laughing, I don't know where I'm going. I don't see ...

I'm haunted by your ghost, it won't leave me alone. For many years you've brought the worst of me, you've shown my awful face. You've made me forget all the good in me, you've made the people I love hate me. You've made me hate myslef.  You've taken me to live in a nightmare, and told me that life is at its best. You've made everyone give up on me. You've brainwashed them, you've brainwashed me. But deep inside of me, I never really believed you, but what am I to do? What was I to do when it was only me who didn't want to give up on life. What was I to do when I was the only one who still believed? But things changed, and they decided not to give up on me, they decided to believe. And after all that happened you still won't leave me alone, you've sent me all your demons. They're still haunting me. They still want to take over my soul. You won't give up, will you? Whatever you do, it's a war now, it's us against yo...

Missing.... I've always thought that missing someone is the worst feeling in the world, but with you it's different. I sometimes miss you so much that I can't breathe. I go sit on that chair where I always sat when we talked and I remember every word we've said. I can see myself smiling to your sweet words wishing you can see me at that instant, because words can't explain how happy you made me feel, only the look on my face can. I remember how I never felt anything around me while we talked, I remember how I felt that I'm in heaven when I heard your voice. I remember how I felt how much you cared for me with every word you said. I miss when I woke up to your voice, how every new day was a wonderful day because you were in it. Then I come back to reality and sit there alone, missing you. Missing every bit of you, missing your smile and your frown, missing your love and your anger. I miss how you colored my world, how you made me feel like a princess, how I felt ...

This story happened to someone I know. It's a sad story, but one with something to learn, so read on... There is a guy who's doing his post graduate studies abroad. He decides to get married and seeing that he only comes on short vacations he decides that an arranged marriage would be the easiest for him, and so he tells his family to find him a bride. There is a girl who reached the "marrying age", her family tries to find her a groom. There's a woman who knows relatives of both the guy and the girl, I know the woman. The woman decides to set a meeting for both families and they both welcome the idea. They all meet, and the woman goes too. After the meeting, the woman says they really liked each other, they talked as if they've known each other their whole lives and they're almost engaged. The next day she calls the girl's relative, who wasn't in the meeting and tells her how good it was. The relative in turn calls the girl's mother celebrat...

Dear soul mate, We were in the same place yesterday, walking the same streets, chanting the same words, seeing the same faces. We might have even passed by each other, our eyes might have met, but I haven't seen you and you haven't seen me. It's enough for me to know that we were in the same place, fighting for the same cause, wanting a better Egypt. It's enough for me to know that you are one of the million positive faces who protested together as one yesterday. I don't know you and you don't know me, we haven't met yet, but we will meet someday, you'll find me and I'll find you, and from that day on we'll go there together, we'll be fighting together. We'll do everything together. Our power will be doubled together. I'll keep searching for you and you'll keep searching for me, and someday soon we'll be together. My dear, I don't know where you might be today, in another city, in another country. But I know someday you...

And again, our revolution is back, and is as strong as it has always been. Today was a lot more than I expected. SCAF, as they have always done, tried to scare people, but the turnout was a lot more than I expected. I can't say that we reached a million at some point of time in Tahrir, but there were always rallies moving in and out of Tahrir, so I think the number of people who protested today in the streets of Cairo might have reached a million. Both Ultras Ahlawy and Ultras White Knights were the superstars of today's protest. They were loud and strong, chanting at the top of their lungs in huge numbers. They weren't only there for their friends who were arrested a few days ago. They chanted for the country, for freedom, they sang their Tahrir songs. They went to the ministry of interior a few times, chanted and sang the worst of swearwords that can be imagined. They even drew graffiti of all the cursing on the wall. I can't say I enjoyed the cursing, but after ...

Do you ever think of blaming yourself? God blesses you with a child, you bring them up somehow then comes the day when you find out that you know nothing about your daughter/son. Who's to blame? Do you ever just even wonder for a moment that it's you? Even if partially? Have you ever seen a girl/guy in the street and thought to yourself: "I'm proud of my daughter/son for not doing this or that", then you realize they're doing this or that, or even worse? I'm not trying to say that I'm an expert here, I actually only know a few things about this! I haven't raised anyone and I haven't been raised in any of the ways that I'll be talking about in the next few lines. I'm writing about cases I've seen in people I know or cases of popular people. This is what I know: the way you raise your children, since the day they're born, builds up a good part of their personalities. You spoil them, they grow up wanting everything for the...

She opens her eyes and instantly smiles. The sun is shining today more than any other day. It shines only for her, just like that day every year. It's his birthday, the day her gift was born, just a few years before she was. Maybe today she'll be able to prove how much she loves him, maybe today he'll know and love her too. She called him last night at 12:00, she wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday. He never picked up, and she tried to convince herself that he's asleep. At 12:00, on his birthday. It's 7:00 in the morning, she jumps out of bed. She knows what to do, but she doesn't know if he's going to understand. He never did. She's known him for so many years, and has always loved him, she has always believed in him. She always knew that he's the one she wants to spend her life with, but he didn't. She always said that someday he'll understand, that someday he'll see the good in her and love her too. Someday he'll k...

Gabe: Look at this couple, they're so in love.... They sit by the lake, hand in hand. She leans towards him and lays her head on his shoulder, they're both silent. He watches the stars twinkling up in the sky. Her hands tickle the water and the stars' reflection glitter in the lake. He stands up and takes her hand, "come with me", he says, she follows him. The moon is only a crescent, but the million stars light up their world. Gabe: Where is that music coming from? Ivan: It's the tune being played in their hearts, they're dancing to the same song. It's only them who can hear it, it's only them who understand. Only them, and us, angels. He holds her close, they dance. They dance to their favorite song, they both know the tune by heart. They never told each other, but they both know they're dancing to the same song. They dance..... They dance beneath the stary sky. Her long off-white dress flies as he twirls her. It's only the...

It's just you and me...... Waves kiss the beach then run back to the wide ocean. People laugh and chat, sunkissed kids run and scream. Tanned hands of all sizes build sand castles. But it's just you and me. The sweet breeze runs through my hair, it flies everywhere. It tickles your cheek and we both laugh. The world is running around us, but we're standing still. I only see you, you only see me, and it's just you and me. Water touches our bare feet and washes away the sand, we both smile. The sound of music gets our ears, our favorite song is being played. Or is it only in our hearts? It's just you and me and we dance to it. The sun shines for us, it gets my eyes, but then a cloud spreads the light around us, just you and me. You hold my hand, I hold yours, they fit perfectly together, just like you and me. The smell of the beach flies into our nostrils and reminds us of where we are. You pick a shell, hold my hand to your lips then hand it to me. We always said tha...

Sometimes I open a new post and decide to write whatever comes on my mind, to let my fingers connect directly to my mind and do all the work without me interfering. Then when the minute of publishing comes, I never publish it. My thoughts are always not connected, I always run from one idea to another, from one memory to another and I don't reach any conclusion. This is one of those times, I'm writing what's on my mind, and if you're reading this, then note that I've published this after my head exploded of thinking whether to publish it or not. Yes, it's one of those insecure moments.... I'm stuck in two worlds, and hiding from my own little world. I'm stuck between the past and the future, never giving myself the chance to think of the present or enjoy it. Some people live for the moment, I'm doing the exact opposite, I'm living for anything other than the present moment. I sometimes wonder what happened to me? Why am I doing this to mysel...

Marriage.... the next step after graduation, and if you don't get married whether you're a girl or a boy then you should get ready for the society giving you the worst time of your life. Marriage is a must, if you don't get married then something is wrong with you. You have to get married, even if it's just for the sake of getting married. In this very judging society of ours, if you don't get married at a certain age, or at all, like "normal" people do, then get ready to be treated like a virus. The way the society treats the unmarried makes many people forget what marriage is all about and marry anyone they half like just for the sake of getting married. They get married to someone they might not be able to live with just to escape the hatred of the society. Then some might be lucky enough to get used to each other and have an acceptable marriage and live for their children then grandchildren, then they die. Others who aren't lucky enough find t...

I've been facing too many problems lately, nothing too serious, but I have been feeling like my world is falling apart. Everything had problems, small ones yes, but too many and too annoying. Annoying enough to depress me and make me feel pretty negative. So I got depressed, and became a very negative person, always saying that I can't do anything, that it's too much, that life was a lot better a few months ago, that I want life to go back to the way it was, etc. I just kept talking and talking, complaining my life away and did absolutely nothing. I was wrong, totally wrong, depression got me nowhere, it did nothing except  made matters worse. Negativity made me not want to do any effort to fix things. The only thing I got from feeling this way is insomnia and loss of appetite. But then I've decided that it's time to fix things, and I did fix them, while being happy. Here's what I've done, it's been tried and it works, so if you have problems give t...