A Lost Self, Part Two

Part one here

She wakes up feeling so empty, the hole inside of her has grown so big. She stopped taking care of herself, she barely looked in the mirror, worked only to have a roof over her head, never went out at night. She wakes up needing to see a smiling face, needing lips to touch hers, needing to hear sweet little things, but she wakes up to nothingness, to a silent scream of a needy self that is so loud.

She puts on whatever clothes she finds and goes to work. On her way she meets a homeless person singing for money. She stops and listens, he sings of love and of lust, his words are like a knife that cuts her into endless pieces. She listens, throws him a coin, then leaves. As she walks away from him, she sees him winking to her. On her way back she stops and listens again, this time he sings about a lost love and a broken heart. His words do nothing to her, they don't come any close to her heart, she has never felt this way. She leaves him the change and he gives her another wink.

She goes home and thinks of nothing but the winking singer, could he do the part? The next day she puts on better clothes takes the time to look in the mirror and goes to him. The minute they're alone she asks him if he'd like to be her lover. He laughs so hard, so loud that she feels her whole body shaking of the sound. Her tears start falling, so hot that they burn her face, too salty that they cut her skin. She skips work and goes back home.

After a night of crying she decides that she'll have to change her route to work in order to never pass the homeless singer again. She wakes up the next morning leaving herself in the dream, she wakes up to the same nothingness she feels everyday, but then thinks of a tiny something. Couldn't this be a sign, that she'll have to change her path? Maybe all this has happened in order for her to find true love. She gets out of bed feeling like a new person, she puts on her best clothes, hairdo, and even make up. Something she hadn't done since the day of the accident.

She starts walking on her new path and the first person she meets is a man who looks so perfect... A tall, tanned, toned man. She immediately imagines his arm around her and she stops walking. She looks to his dark hair and it's as if it pulls her closer to him. She looks to his lips and imagines them giving her the sweetest kisses. She never really cared about the looks, but this time she couldn't stop herself from being attracted to him. The lips she's longing for smile at her, a smile of desire. She smiles back at him, and he walks her way. They talk and his words are as sweet as she imagined them to be. She doesn't continue on her path, she forgets everything and stays with him. They talk for a whole day and see that they're nothing alike, but they know that they have what they both want.
He asks her to join his act and she happily accepts.



Days pass and she forgets about the rest of the path, she doesn't care about it anymore. She has a fake lover and that is enough for her. For a month they play their roles perfectly, he says the right words at the right time, spoils her when she needs to be spoiled, brings her the best gifts she has ever been given. He gives her everything, but not love and she doesn't mind, after all nobody gets to have everything they want....

To be continued







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