Captured Regret

She lies awake every night in bed, regretting everything that has happened in the past year. She regrets every word she said, and every word left unsaid. She regrets everything she decided to do, everything she decided not do, she cries herself to sleep. She dreams every night, of undoing all that she has done. She dreams of making things all right again, then she wakes up and life takes her somewhere else never thinking or regretting anything.

She has grown up dreaming of being a professional photographer, she was talented and she loved it. She finished high school, took all her savings, bought a professional camera, and started on the path of her dreams. She loved capturing nature and that's what she did best. She took thousands of photos, ones that people loved, but never bought. "Nobody is interested in nature", she was always told. She had to find a job, but that would stop her from taking photos. She tried and tried to sell her photos, but no matter how good they were, nobody ever bought them. Then she met the person who changed her path. "You're talented, but no I can't buy your photos. Capture stars if you want your photos sold, and no, not the ones above", she was told. That night she went back home and thought her life over and over and decided that if she wants to live her life taking photos, then it's stars she'll have to capture.

She lies awake in bed, thinking of the day she came to Hollywood. She was given a camera that she could have never dreamed of having. Her job was to ruin the stars' lives. She was called a paparazzi, but she might as well be called a stalker, a life hijacker. She thinks of how lucky she was in the past year, of how she abused her talent. She thinks of all the photos she took, all the private moments she's exposed, all the lives she's ruined. She thinks of all this and regret kills a piece of her with every photo she thinks of. She thinks of how far she has become from her dream, this had nothing to do with her plans. She sleeps and dreams of untaking every photo, of unexposing every secrete, of undamaging people's life. She dreams of unwalking those steps, of never giving up on capturing the life she wanted. She wakes up driven by hope, she plans how to go back to who she used to be. But as soon as she's had breakfast, she remembers the price of each photo she takes, of how much she could have if she goes on. She forgets all about the regret she captures with every photo she takes, and continues to break her soul into pieces.