A Lost Self, Part Five

She remembers...

After thinking for so many days, she knew that she was only desperate, that she lost her self esteem with every loss of what she thought was true love in her adolescence. She grew up feeling that there was no hope and so acted according to that feeling and looked only for fake love. She hated waiting and her hate and long waits made her give up on true love. She now understood that with her loss of true love she lost herself. She wore a mask, a fake mask and never took it off and she felt fake. Her dreams of true love were the only real thing in her life, but even those faded when she ignored them and followed the easy way. She understood that she had lowered her ceiling of expectations so much that she couldn't even see anything above it.

Good things come to those who wait. No, good things come to those who do what's righteous, to those who do good, she thought. She got up and decided that it's time to make things right. She went through what she's done before and a little more, looked more in the mirror, wore better clothes, worked-out, ate healthier, apologized to friends, made new ones, worked hard, had fun, volunteered. But this time she did all those things with love. And after doing this for a while, she found happiness, she found herself again, she found true happiness. At that time she had gotten over the fear of being alone, over the urge of having someone to make her feel complete, because she simply felt like a complete self. She still wanted true love, but she didn't need it, she felt free....

Then she meets him and she remembers and she feels that maybe, just maybe, she waited long enough...

The end


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