I have spent the past 18 months shaking and breaking with every time we lose a battle. I had eventually accepted the fact that most of those who have power are our enemies. Yet I had still kept my hopes high, because this is what I wished for, for everything to be good. I have hoped for corrupt people to stop being corrupt, for murderers to stop murdering, for liars to stop lying, for the unjust to become just. And of course this has never happened, I kept expecting and hoping for the best from the worst and the result was always the same, disappointment. The deepest disappointment was after the results of the first round of the elections. I was broken into so many pieces, my disappointment turned into some kind of mental and physical illness, I saw nothing from tomorrow, I wanted to give up, I felt like a a failure, a great failure.
I've spent the next few days trying to recover, and then I felt stupid. I felt stupid for letting myself go through all this pain for no reason. Yes, I do care for the country and the revolution, but where would this disappointment take me? Nowhere, or maybe somewhere away from here to hide in my own shell and give up the fight. After a lot of thinking, came a day to try my plan, the day of verdicts. The night before, I thought of the worst case and expected it to happen. No, this is not pessimism, it's just not having wrong expectations. It's not expecting what you hope for, but what you think might happen according to the situation. We all know that our judiciary system is one of fake justice, and so simply I expected the fake judges who work for the SCAF to give the verdict they favor.
Then the verdict came out, and Shafiq stayed and the parliament was dissolved, and since my expectations weren't higher, and I didn't hope to get anything from traitors, I wasn't actually disappointed, at all. Yes, the mess we're in is partially a result of that verdict, but yes, I wasn't expecting anything good to come out from the SCAF so I'm still not disappointed. I'm not, because my hope is not for them, or for the politicians, or for the people, or for anyone else but me. I have learned to not stop hoping for things that only have to do with me, because these are the only things that are in my hands. Everything else is just fake hope.
No I'm not going to have a revolution on my own, and no I haven't given up on the revolution. I have only decided to work with the best for the best of the revolution and to do only what I see is right and not to hope for something else. I have remembered that the revolution is a true idea, a fight for justice, and for that we're going to win even if we all die, so why worry? I have remembered that God is on our side, because we're fighting for true values. Our dream is timeless, and even if I don't get to see it come true, I know that it will eventually happen. I am attached to the revolution's values and always will be and always will live by them, but I'm not attached to seeing the whole country feel the same way, because this is out of my hands and fake. So I have no reason to be disappointed, to stop fighting, or to give up. The revolution will never die even if we all die, so why worry?